3/18/12

So, I've been back in the States for over a month now. Unfortunately I still have no job, and over the past few days, Satan was really letting me have it with that, and a few other things. But fortunately, last night I had the opportunity to hang out with a group that has been meeting on Saturday nights at a local coffee shop. I never had any doubts regarding God's goodness or the fact that He would see me through this current trial, but it was still discouraging. One of the great things about God is His unfailing love. "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me."

On a related note: I've been offered several thousand dollars worth of carpet cleaning equipment for the low low price of nothing. A brother in the Lord has expressed His desire to give away the tools that the Lord allowed him to use to provide in the past for his family. He has recently been asked to be the full-time pastor of a church and his new congregation has a heart to pay him a salary. After much prayer and consideration over the matter he felt the Lord putting it on his heart that "When Colin returns from Honduras, he's going to be looking for something to do for work." I felt overwhelmed when he told me the first time. It didn't really register or make sense to me. Why would this guy give so much? What is he smoking? Lol. The truth is God has given him much. This brother feels that the blessing that the machinery has been for him, should continue to be used and not just left in a basement to fall apart. I don't fully understand it, but then again God's ways aren't our ways. I'm still going to try to find a job for the time being until carpet-cleaning starts to be able to sustain me. I'm not looking to get rich off this, I just want to provide my needs for living and ministry. I hope through this blessing to me that I can simply continue to bless others.

Well, may grace and peace be with you and your house.  I got nothing else.

Day 89 2/12/12

Well. Here I am. My last night in Honduras. Day 3 of 5 beds in 5 days. Haha.

I don't feel I have much to say right now, but I'm not so sure it's that as much as I just don't know what to say.

If there's ever something to know, it's this: don't expect what you expect. When I was much younger, my mom told me that I should not have high expectations, because then you won't be let down. And personally, for most things, I believe that's correct. But fortunately (and by the way, this topic just took a turn I didn't plan for it to take), we don't have to worry about expecting too little from God. He is a God of abundance. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills (so scripture says, I'm pretty sure it's ALL His, though). One cannot out-give God. One cannot out-bless God, for it is by God's grace that we are even ABLE to give or bless. It is by His grace that we have breath in our lungs, for the believer and the unbeliever alike.

You know what scripture keep coming to mind recently? The ones about loving God above all, and your neighbor as yourself. And in addition to that, loving other's as Christ loves us, and when we give even to the least of these, we are giving to Jesus Himself.

I heard a message this afternoon about rewards, and the pastor was speaking on how he never was a huge reward type of guy, but he's coming to realize that God enjoys giving rewards, and speaks much of them. If God likes to give rewards so much, shouldn't we be excited to receive them? First, I am NOT saying we should only do things for the rewards we will receive, but for the fact that in and of itself, the GIVING is the reward. If God is a God of giving, and a God of abundance, shouldn't we then expect MUCH of God? I know I have a tendancy to think way too little of Him. But the truth is that this God that we serve, the God that we try to fit in a convenient little box, a box that we can keep on a shelf, or in a closet, is the God that formed man from dirt. Breathed life into him. Spoke, and the stars in the sky were created. Think about it: we live on earth, two planets from the sun, not even close to the largest planet, and the sun is not anywhere NEAR the largest star man has discovered. And we in our ignorance, try to conform Him to OUR standards. Who are we? What makes us so great? I'll tell you what makes us so great. We have a great big God, who has such a great love for us, that even though we are evil, and that our good works are as filthy rags, that He sent His son to bridge the gap for us, so that we might be the inheritence to His kingdom. Wow. What a great God we serve.

Thank You, Father, for each person reading this message. I pray that You would draw them each closer to You. I pray that they would be convicted of trying to manage You into their schedule, where the truth is, You should BE their schedule. Lord, You don't want just a piece of our lives here and there; Jesus didn't die so that we could live for You on our terms. I pray that You would show us all what it means to truly be a slave for Jesus Christ, and that we would commit all of our works unto You, Father. This life was not meant for us, but for Your glory. Father, I just again thank You for this time to come before You in prayer on behalf of my friends, relatives, and those I may not even know, but I pray that I would be able to call them my brothers and sister in Christ. Thank You so much for Your mercy, for Your patience, and for Your kindness and generosity. Amen.

Day 81 2/4/12

So, on the 31st, I started writing a blog, which still hasn't finished. It may get scrapped, it may get a big overhaul, it may just get added to, but I felt God didn't want me to finish it, because the words after a while just stopped coming, and when I get to that point, I'll normally just paint myself into a corner. I feel one of the reasons He wouldn't let me finish was because there were/are things He wants to me to learn or read, or watch, but in some way, experience, something more pertaining to the subject matter. It talks about good works, and what the point, or lack there of, is of them. A day or two after starting, I ended up watching a video sermon for Francis Chan from the Desiring God conference, which played right into what I was getting at. Said post may take some time before you get to see it, supposing you'll get to see it. I hope you do, It'll be a good one, and I'm certain, worth the wait.

Through my blog, I've remembered how much I enjoyed writing in High School, although, ask any of my family about my grades and they would have never known. Yes mom, I enjoyed writing papers. I find great joy in being able to write what comes into my head, because normally it's a lot better and a lot wiser than what comes out of my mouth. And it's sentances exactly like the last one that makes it even more fun. I love to be able to laugh when I write, and if I can laugh at something I write, I know that at least one other person will as well. There have been times where I've wanted to go to college for no other reason than to expand my vocabulary. Sure, I could pick up a dictionary, but I find the writer's style very bland and boring. A - Aardvark - description of said word. Yawn. Where's the flare, the pizzaz? How do you spell "pizzaz"? What was I saying? Oh yeah. Here's annother random paragraph, although not actually random at all, because it was mentioned not too long ago.

College. Do I want to go? What would I go for? Suggesting I could pick something to go for would it be something God would use? I'm sure He would, that last sentance was mostly filler. The truth is, I could never decide what I would want to go for. What's worth the time? What's worth the money? Did Peter, James, John, Paul, Ringo, or Jesus go to college? Ringo may have, but I can't say I recall hearing about Paul attending Harvard. I have no recollection of seeing Cambridge in the scriptures, but I could be wrong. I've been wrong before, and I'll be wrong again. I promise. Sure, I could go to school for writing, but here's how I see it: I had intended to go to the upper crust of automotive service schools, it was between Universal Technical Institute in Joliet, IL, or WyoTech in Laramie, WY. I ended up not going to either. After that decision was made, I ended up working at a dealership, and thought I'd just go to Fox Valley Tech for it. I've heard their program is great. But you know what I learned working at the dealership? I have absolutely NO desire whatsoever to work on other people's cars for the rest of my life. I don't mind working on mine, or helping a friend, I rather enjoy it, but when you're doing your hobby for a living, at least, in my case, it quickly becomse old, boring, mundane. It's all the same. So if I were to go to school to be a writer, who's to say the same wouldn't be true? Sure, I could get a good job at a newspaper, but I can't stand the news. It's so sad and pathetic. I could write books. Wait, how many people out of a thousand who write books actually make money off of it? I don't know, but I doubt it's many. Personally, I like writing, but I haven't done enough of it in my life to know just how much.

I just got finished reading three amazing books, and they've worked together, and I hope they truly change my life. Cast, in order of appearance: "Not A Fan" by Kyle Idleman, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, and "Under The Overpass" by Mike Yankowski. The Lord is really giving me a heart for the needy, the homeless in particular. I'm hoping when I return to be able to spread love to them in tangible ways.

I've been playing guitar just about every day, thankfully. And I'm working more and more to play and sing at the same time. Unfortunately the worship songs I know are difficult to sing along to, (I have a big problem with the fact that I lose timing when I'm concentrating on keeping a strumming pattern and singing, and it quickly, within a second or two, all falls apart) but right now I can more or less get through several Dylan songs, and maybe a Beatles song or two. I'm working on it though.

I've got 7 full days left on the ranch, 8 full days in Honduras, and 9 til I'm back in the States. I'd be lying if I said I weren't ready to come home. I love it here, and I will greatly miss the kids and the Beards, but as I see that my time is nearing it's end, I am seeing other needs at home. Please pray that as I transition back that I would not be discouraged by an "apathy" of fellow believers. I know I will have the feeling, and probably even unconsciously, have an air of pride in the fact that I just spent three months on the mission field. But the truth is, it isn't what I've done on the mission field in Honduras that matters, it's what I do on the mission field at home that produces real fruit, and truly changes lives.

To my brothers and sister back home, I love you and miss you all, and I pray that Jesus Christ would be working in you, and through you, to bless all the people He so loves.

P.S. Sorry for posting this several days after writing it. Haven't had much time to get online, and when I have, I just forgot to post this.

Day 68 1/22

Wow. Three weeks from tomorrow, Monday, I will be arriving back in Chicago. The more startling facts are that I will only have three more classes with the young adults, three more guitar classes, three more soccer practices, three more Thursday mornings with the kids from the orphanage, three more children's church services, and three more soccer games. It's scary, really. But comforting as well.

I feel confident in my return to the States. I'm looking forward to hopefully ministering to people I haven't intentionally made more time for in the past. I look toward the things that the Lord is working in my heart. I don't know what my life will look like when I get back. I don't have a job lined up, and yes, it's sometimes unnerving, but the overwhelming reality is that it's all under control. I know I can trust my God to provide the things I need. I am excited and nervous for the new challenges I will face. The sacrifices I want to make, even most Christians would think I'm crazy. Ha, I think I'm crazy. I just hope I'm not afraid to make those changes. I need prayer in that. But Jon brought something to my attention today: "I don't think it's likely you'll ever say 'I wish I didn't give so much to Jesus.'" Thanks Jon, for the laugh, and for the encouragement.

Our game yesterday was, well, it was horrible. The team we played was the team we beat in the first half of the season. But this time they beat us. The boys let one goal go in the first half. That's not bad, but the second half they let six more go. Jon (in the flesh) wanted to call it quits for the season, and just try to have a fresh start next season. But the reality of it is, God has the boys in our lives for a reason. Many reasons, but we believe that one of those reasons is "Don't give up on these boys I have given you." Everyone else rights them off. They probably don't get attention at home. They certainly don't get disciplined. That's obvious. But this Wednesday at practice, we're going to try something new. Please pray for us to persevere and be strong in this decision.

Also, something worth praising the Lord: I've been learning and having desire to learn worship songs. Please pray for further desire in such things, and pray that I would have the patience and perseverence to learn to play and sing at the same time. It's so hard to play a worship song with people around when you can't even sing it while you play it. Lol.

Love you all. Thank you so much for all of your support. I can't wait to see you.

Day 62 1/17

So I was just reading my devotionals for the night. I was reading Ezekiel 46, and the Lord is describing how the offerings are to be brought to Him, when the Lord revealed something to me. Something I've known and that many of us know in our minds, but when the Lord opens it up and plants it in your lap it's so amazing. The Lord opened my eyes to see that when He is describing intricate details, and repeats them, He is showing us that He wants things His way. Including the way we come to Him, the way we worship Him. He wants us to give up control to His desires. He wants us to give Him our lives, not so that we may live for ourselves, but so that we can live for Him. That is, after all, why He created us. I was reading in "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan last night. In the second chapter he describes how you or I may know someone who's been in a movie as an extra. They get all excited, call their friends, tell their family, for that split-second where you see the back of their head. They're acting as if they're the main character, but they aren't. They're just an extra. We live our lives like we're the main character. But we aren't. God is. It's everywhere in the bible. GOD created the heavens and the earth. The people rebel against GOD. GOD calls out Abram. GOD picks Joseph and Moses and directs them and works miracles through them. GOD sends prophets and judges because His people won't give Him the one thing He askes of them, obedience. He wants things done His way. Not ours. The truth is, when we've given our lives to Christ, well, we've GIVEN our LIVES to Christ. They are His to do with as He pleases. So if you're complaining about you're situation, it's not because God wants you to be miserable. Quite the opposite actually, Philippians 4:4 commands: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" It doesn't finish with "so long as you have a job," or "unless you're stressed out with family, or bills, or just like being miserable." No, we are to be obedient, and to rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, as the verse states. So please, "offer you bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your reasonable service." -Romans 12:1

Day 55 1/10

What an interesting day. Yes. Two posts for this day. After Jon and I left the cafe, we went to the post office and grabbed mail, and went to immigration to get another month for the Beards. Unfortunately the manager wasn't there to sign the forms so we have to come back later in the week.

Once we left immigration we headed to where the Durango was getting fixed. We hadn't gotten a call, but figured we'd just head over anyway. Here's how it went. When we dropped the truck off at 7:30, they said it should be done by about 12. We arrived at 2 and walked in and let's just say they weren't working on the car. Problem? Yes and no. I can understand needing a break. Anyway, 4:30 comes and the guy who's supposed to be working on the truck is working on something else. Finally Jon says something and 20 minutes later the car is back together and ready to go. ...Or not. I don't know wwhat happened, but I know cars are not as predictable as we'd like them to be. For some reason the odometer is saying "no bus" which means 1 of several problems with the PCM (Powertrain Control Module), and it's not getting spark. Hmmmm. So Roberto (owner of the shop) called our friend who recommended, Ivan, a cuban mechanic who has a shop that specializes in EFI (Electronic Fuel Injection) systems. So Ivan is going to sttop by Roberto's tomorrow to check it out. So, realizing it's 5:30, and won't be able to catch a bus to Ojojona anymore. Fortunately they offer to bring us to our other mechanic (also named Ivan) where the bus is. So we pack up in one of Roberto's customer's cars and head on our way. And we all lived happily ever after. ....Oh wait, I forgot something. This car died on us. It seemed to (rather ironically) have a similar problem with it. Remember the Idle Air Control motor I mentioned? I think that's what the problem was with this vehicle as well. So next we had Douglas, the gentleman giving us a ride, call Roberto and let him know. So they sent another car, and while waiting for this one, we turned the vehicle we were in at the time around and pushed it down a hill as Jon steered to a local mechanic shop. So after we get the new car, we put in some gas, grab a snack, and head to Ivan's (the one where the bus is.) We arrived about 7:15 to Ivan's, and we are just about to enter Ojojona as I type this.

Today didn't phase me. But unfortunately we needed to go to PriceSmart to pick up food for the dogs, which were never able to do. So Jon has some anxiety regarding that. Please pray for  him, and for good news from Ivan and Roberto as they work on the Durango.

We'll need to go into Teguc again because we need to go back to Immigration by Monday, but the dogs need food soon. So please pray that by Thuursday everything will be sorted out.

Oh, one thing I am majorly bummed about: I lost track of time and wasn't able to call mymom before she went in to work. Sorry Mom. Maybe Wednesday or Thursday.

Days 54-55 1/9 - 1/10

Well, Jon and I are sitting in a cafe in Teguc. We're waiting for the truck to get the transmission fixed. We've been here an hour, and we're already tired of surfing the internet. You can only check your Facebook and text messages so many times before you get bored as you wait for music to download.

Yesterday I replaced the Idle Air Control motor in the Durango with what turned out to be an old used part which somebody must have returned. It happens from time to time. Somebody wants a free part, so they buy what they need, replace it, and clean up the old one and return it, getting their money back. So this morning on our way to Tegucigalpa, the truck stalled, so I replaced the "new" IAC motor with the one that I had taken out of thee Durango yesterday. Haha. Apparently God needed 15 extra minutes to prepare Teguc for us.

We're hoping we can get a lot of the grocery shopping done for the month today. We could use your prayer for deals, for good traffic, and for the truck to get done in a timely manner so that we can do these things. You probably won't be reading this in time, but it's still good to get out there I feel.

Prayer requests for myself: That I wouldn't feel discouraged about how soon I'll be coming home. I feel it's so soon, and I love it here. But please pray that I would be after what God wants, and that He would clearly reveal that to me, as opposed to seeking my selfish desires.
In fact, pray that I would look forward to coming home, yet not be discouraged that I still have several weeks remaining here.

Random thought: If I knew how to do accents and such, I might consider doing a blog post in Spanish, or bi-lingual posts. Hmmmm....

Thank you guys for ALL of your support: prayerful, financial, and just being there to read/see what's going on in my life and what God is doing in aand through me. It's weird to think that you have this insight to what's going on as I'm here, so chances are when I come home you'll hear stories I've already told.

Love you guys. Miss you all much. May the Lord smile upon you this perfect day which He has created.